I forgive you, but...

I've been thinking about forgiveness recently, and surprisingly there's a can of worms where I didn't imagine one to be: On whether forgiveness is conditional.

And so I did a little looking, and am going to make it a blogpost just because it's a place to have it for reference.

A few passages that relate:

Eph 4:32
"Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you."

Matt 18:21,22-
"Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.""

Luke 17:2-3
Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, 4 and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.”

Mark 11:25
And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.
(look up verse 26, it's a killer)

Dealing with the passages:

Eph 4:32 is a good starting point. Some have used it to say that our forgiveness is modelled on Christ's. Which in a sense is true, but you can take it to far by saying "Christ forgave but on condition of our repentance." I disagree, because the verse seems to be more about the act of forgiveness rather than the method - "God in Christ has forgiven you! You now go and forgive". The passage is not saying "God in Christ forgave you, but it was conditional on your repentance. Therefore, now go and forgive everyone who is truly repentant".

There's more clarity available - Matt 18 and Luke 11 can be used to show that forgivness necessitates repentance. However, when we look at the passage in Mark 11:25, there we find a broader context. And putting the three verses together, this is how it looks:

1. We are to forgive all who sin against us unconditionally. (Mark 11:25). This is the broad circle, as it were.
2. We are therefore (now a smaller circle) required to forgive everyone who asks us for forgiveness. (Matt 18, Luke 17:2-3) The logic is obvious in light of Mark 11.

Some synonyms of words found in the Bible for forgive: "to show grace", "to release", "to deduct". In that light, when we forgive, we would be required to show grace (not hold onto a root of bitterness) to release (from debt) and to deduct (from any losses we might have incurred). That's Biblical forgiveness, and all these attitudes are possible unilaterally.

However, there is a place where a hands on approach is necessary, and Matt 18 and Luke 17:2-3 make that clear - there are times when the type of sin committed necessitates confrontation. Interestingly, the onus is not on the sinner but on the sinned against " If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault". The motive is not vindication but restoration. "If he listens to you, you have gained your brother."

Sometimes we run away from confrontation and "just forgive" but true love sometimes needs to do more to gain our brothers and sisters. And sometimes other people have to be broght into the picture (Matt 18), but that's about Church discipline.

This is therefore where I stand: Christian Forgiveness is unilateral and unconditional, but there are times when restoration is necessary even if forgiveness has been granted by the wronged party - again, a separate but related issue - love seeks the restoration of lost relationship and the repentance that accompanies restoration. Part of what you might need in the process of leaving bitterness behind is to address the issue with the person who has sinned against you.